get me off this pedestal

Your expectations of me are so exceedingly high that I want to drop all I have planned for my future and just be mediocre from now on because my best will not suffice for you. It literally broke my heart to hear that you didn't think that I was doing well in school. I think compared to my brothers, I've done pretty damn well. Yes, I do admit that I'm not satisfied with my GPA last semester either.. but hey, give me a break, I missed the most three vital weeks of the semester. I know in my previous blogs I've said that I would never allow myself to use that as an excuse, and believe me, I'm not trying to be a hypocrite and use that right now. I'm just saying that for missing three weeks of school and catching all that up WHILE staying on top of all the new work that I had in store for me.. I think I did alright. I really hope you know that everything I do and continue to do is for you and so that I can make you proud. I know that I'm your last child and that I'm your only hope to have at least one decent child. It makes me so sad to hear that you don't think that I'm good enough. In the society that I've grown up in, teenagers who smoke and drink and have sex almost every other weekend, I've never done any of that. I'm almost 16.. Now, I don't take that as an accomplishment, don't get me wrong. It's not like I fight the urge everyday, I do it for me. But I'm just saying, especially because the way that my brothers grew up.. I think I deserve a little credit as in I didn't grow up to be high school failures like they did. I think I maintained my GPA very well despite that one semester. I'm not saying I'm a prodigal of brilliance, not at all. But if you don't think I'm doing well and you don't think I'm good enough, then tell me, because I will GLADLY drop all four of my AP's that I plan on taking next year. You think that I want to stay up all night doing labs and homework and studying for the fun of it? No, I do everything that I do for you so that when you go to family parties, you can at least have one child that you can boast about and be proud of. I'm sorry I'm not Jessica. I'm sorry that I didn't do IB, but that was my decision to make and you even said that any decision was fine with you. I have no idea how to make you happy. You expect me to finish all my homework, get straight A's, maintain the cleanliness of the house, do all the chores, and take care of the dog.. Maybe you forgot that I was only 15.. or maybe you don't remember that we're in a different era and that it's a very big change from when you were 15. I don't know, but I do know that I need you in my life. Since you basically pushed both my brothers, and my mother away.. I have nobody else but you. You have no idea how much I truly love you and how much I look up to you and admire you. Growing up I hardly knew who you were.. you were always too busy at work, building your empire so that hopefully one of us could take over. Now as I grew up I said that I would take over and that I wanted to be an engineer, but that was only so that I would make you happy. You never placed that burden on me though, I kindof just took it.. but you never really noticed. You never really paid any attention to me as I grew up.. You never taught me right from wrong, you never took me to play games, we never bonded. It was always mom, we went on mother daughter shopping trips, she spanked me when I did something wrong and she was the one who watched my polo games. You did buy me almost everything I wanted and you took the family on expensive trips to all over the world. You gave me one of the most memorable experiences of my life, which was swimming with the dolphins.. you did just about everything you could to make up for the time you didn't spend with me. But it's not the money that I want or the clothes or the trips.. I just want your love. I don't even think you know my favorite color. But that's ok, I know it's not just me, it's almost every other asian household. I just wish that if you would pay more attention to me, then maybe you would realize who I am and maybe you'd realize that I'm better than you thought.