so close

Gollygeeee! These past two days were the bestestest! Friday was school, yucky nasty ew! But afterschool snuffy & I went to go get froyo! And then church was like sooper funny! Cause of our skit.. LOLOL! It was a little bit gross though, oh well! Then yesterdayyy! Yayayayaya:)))) Soooooper fun jolly good day! City to City's BBQ was like the funnest day ever. Except I was soo sore from football. And sooper tired. Mm.. I don't really wanna update. But I think I owe KMAK an update, so I'll give him one.

Y'know I remember like in May, you told me you were afraid of losing me! & I was like ohdang, that's really sweet. And then we got into that humungo fight with the dumb rumors. Which I don't even think you ever got over but that's okay. Because I know that I didn't do it & so does God, and that's all that really matters. Sidetracking, anyways.. But then we got sooper close again in the summer. So close, we've never been that close before. And those couple of weeks where we were just bestfriends were the best weeks of my life. I felt like I simply had everything. I had you as my bestfriend and I felt like I was completely in touch with God. I mean, what more could I ask for? But then everything started changing and I lost it all. Til' this very day, I still haven't gotten it back yet. I'm still completely lost with God, my world is spinning upside down and all over the place. And I still don't have you as my bestfriend anymore. In fact, it's total opposite. I don't talk to you like the way we used to and I don't even know who you are anymore. I begin to wonder if I should bring it up and save our friendship or just let it go. Because if you don't care about our friendship, why should I? I can't save it alone.. I mean, don't you notice it too? Like.. we don't talk the same. We never talk about anything exciting anymore. It's the same conversation over and over. 'Whats up? Nothing, you? Same. How was school? Good, you?' I'm just so sick of it! I want some change. What to do.. what to do. I really miss you, you know. & It's not like a love-relationship way, it's like a bestfriend way.. right now, I don't even know what to call you anymore. I just want you in my life.. as my bestfriend, friend, boyfriend, husband, enemy.. just not a stranger. Please... I just want to know where I stand in your life. I want assurance. Maybe I want too much, maybe I expect too much from you. Are my 'standards' too high again? Hm.. It's just frustrating because it all happened so fast. And I can still picture in my mind what it felt like to be so close with you. The girl you told almost everything to.. how I would always help you with fashion advice;) It was the best time of my life. And why can't we talk in person? Why is it so hard for us.. Gee, it sure sucks. Cause I can do it with anybody else. New people I meet, I can talk to them just fine. But you, I can't.. I would trade everybody else just for you! But oh well, life is life.
K! KMAK, there's your update. I'm done, literally. Done in so many ways. G'bye.