June 9, 2009

I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.

That's 100 'I miss you.'s & I don't even think that explains how I feel for you. My emotions are so jumbled, I can't even explain it. But I suppose those three words shall do, for now. I've tried to hide my emotion for so long now, it's like everything that I didn't want to happen is happening. I don't want to miss you. I don't want to think about you. I don't want to be nostalgic. Everything I've tried so hard to accomplish just backfired on me. Seriously, I think I should just give up at trying not to like you. I mean, I was perfectly fine before somebody brought you up. & it was your last day last week and on my way to fourth period I swore I thought I saw you, so I ran only to get my hopes crushed, it was look alike you. It's like everytime I try to give somebody else a try, something in me goes back to you. The way he smiles isn't like yours or he doesn't call me just to say hi and that he loves me. In fact, I'm not even sure if he likes me. Quite frankly, I'm not even sure if I like him or if I only like the fact of liking him. I think the past 5 guys I've liked have only been to try to get over you. But I'm so done with it, I'm so stuck on you, it's like I guess I should just give up. I'm done trying to walk in cement. Until God gives me a chipper thingy, whatever they're called, I guess I'm here for good, whether I like it or not.

I'm trying so hard to get close with you again, but I don't think you see it. I don't think you understand how hard it is for me to IM people first. I seriously have to think for about 5 minutes to see if I really want to IM them first. And for me to be IMing you first everyday is ridiculous. I don't even know who you are anymore! I don't even know if your favorite color is still green and I didn't know you didn't want to be a pilot anymore! Seriously, I just miss you. I miss you. Just you. The old you, the new you, you. I miss your smell, everytime I smell old spice, it reminds me of you. Everytime somebody says teddybear, instant nostalgia. I can't get over the fact that I think about you so much. I hate it, I hate it more than anything. The replaying of memories in my mind. I don't think there's a memory as clear in my mind than the ones that I have with you.

I hate hoping for us because if I don't hope then I can't watch my hopes fall. If I don't wish for us in the future well then I won't get hurt. But it hurts so much to know that I let you slip through my fingers, it hurts even more to know that I let you slip away, not once but twice. Old three words, I miss you. New three words, I love you.