This Road

A million miles away from anything familiar
a thousand places I would rather be
so I choke back the tears and try to find the bright side
though I find it hard to see beyond my suffering
in my heart I know your plan is so much bigger
but this small part is all that I can see
and I believe you haven’t left me here to wander
still I can't help but ponder where you're leading me
and I ask why this road
why this way, and this load
tell me how far must I go
till I see, till I know
why this road
A million miles away from anything familiar
what was it like to be so far from home
though you came in love
the world misunderstood you
there must have been some days when you felt so alone
but you endured, cause there was joy before you
joy that came because you sacrificed
Since you gave yourself just to spend forever with me
surely I can trust you'll lead me through my darkest times
when I ask why....
From here I can not see
why you'd choose this path for me
but I don't have to understand to believe
that You know why.

I finally realized why I feel nothing and why I feel so confused. Because I've always had control over my life and I've always had a sense of knowledge. But with God, you can never know more than Him and you can never have more control than He does. Last night, I spent so long trying to piece together the facts and what just happened so that I may know what's going on. But I couldn't put anything together because it doesn't make ANY sense to me... but to Him, it makes sense because He sees the greater picture and I only see a blur in front of me. I guess when I listened to this song, by Ginny Owens, I really felt Him tugging at my heart and telling me that this is normal.. that I'm not supposed to understand anything right now but soon He'll reveal to me His grand plan. Though I still don't know how I feel or what I'm supposed to do now, I know that if I just keep doing what I do and to dig deeper in Him and to root myself deeper in Him and to just let loose around Him, and have that intimate relationship with Him again.. I'll know. This probably won't make any sense to anybody, but I know why I'm on this road.. because God put me here. Though I may only be able to see a couple yards down this road, He knows my whole path and where I'll end up.