You Never Understand

You never realize what you do, and how it makes ME feel. You never think about how you're hurting me. That all the lies you've told me only to 'protect' me from the truth. Those are all nothing but big, fat webs of lies. Lies that I believed, lies that I didn't know you would tell me because you were my own parents. The people that are supposed to protect me and keep me safe. And just exactly how do you do that? You lie to me. My whole family is a fraud. My parents hate each other, my brothers hate each other, and all I have is myself. My cousins can't even sleepover at my house because their dad hates my dad so much that he won't allow them to sleep at my house while he's here. I just wish this family feud would just stop. I'm so sick of having to pretend like I actually like living here. I can't wait until the day I go to college, so I don't have to live under these conditions. Frantically hiding my feelings. Family is supposed to support you and be there for you when hard times come. But how can family be there for you, when they're the ones causing you harships? Half the time my dad is in Hong Kong, and when he isn't there, he's working here. He sleeps so early, and just, if only he knew how he makes my mom feel. And my mom? She always thinks I'm giving her attitude, and even if I WAS, my brothers were so much worse and she always let them go. I feel like she hates me or something or like she likes my other siblings more than me. And at times I cannot stand her, and I seriously hate her! But then I think about what if I lost her, and I get so sad and scared. I just wish that I could run up to her and hug her and tell her I love her. But that can never happen.. and even if I do tell her I love her before I sleep, she never says it back. My brothers, are never home. I'm not really close with my brothers, except for Jamie. Jamie's kindof like.. my backbone in the family. He keeps me together! And thank God for him, he keeps me in tact. Even though sometimes he IS really annoying and unbearable, I stilll love him:) I still love ALL my family! I just wish that on my birthday, of all days, we can just get along, for once.