What If

What if I don't graduate highschool? What if I don't get into my dream college? Heck, I don't even know what I want to be yet! Like seriously, how am I supposed to plan for a college based on my career if I don't have a career-_- What if I never get married? What if I never have babies? WHAT IF! Ughhhhh:( It's some pretty serious business. I guess I never really comprehended, well I did.. but it's just so scary! One moment, you're a baby and you have nothing in the world to worry about and now you're a highschooler with finals?! I just realized, I'm pretty freaking stoopid.. Although I hate it when people tell me that, it's kindof true. I can't write for my life, I suck at it, period. Geometry is a hassle, cause I just don't understand any of the concepts! World History, wtheck! When will I ever need to know who the Archduke of whatever is?! Or why trenches were made.. It's not like I'm gonna join the army or go dig up a trench and hide from an enemy. Seriously, I do not plan on majoring in history. & It's not even that interesting! I'm failing highschool.. I have two C's, a B & three A's. The A's aren't even that important! One from waterpolo, choir and french. Honestly, they're my easiest classes. I feel like a failure:(

I constantly wonder what if I end up to be one of those homeless people on the freeway's with a sign that says 'Will work for money'.. I saw two of them today, and they always make me so sad. I'm sure their dream wasn't to be homeless and stand next to a freeway begging for money. I just.. I'm really scared.. For my future. Ughhhhhh, I don't even know how I'm feeling anymore. I just, I don't want to become like that! I'm sure nobody did..

Today, after polo practice I went to BIG 5 to get new suits cause mine were like waywayway too big. And the total was like $104.. for two swim suits. I could've bought like real clothes for $104! Which then lead me to realize that I had depending on my parents. I hate having to go to them for money, especially because the economy is so bad and they're working their butts off just so I can get the new pair of jeans from Marc Jacobs or the new handbag from Coach.. My dad's always so stressful because of work and I never truly appreciate everything he does for me. I wish I could work, so I can earn money and not have to go to them. I know I don't need the new pair of jeans, I have like seven pairs in my closet. But I want them, the desire to have them.. and they don't have to get them for me, but they do anyways. Because they know it will make me happy. It just, I don't know how I can ever repay them.. They're the best parents I could ever have. The sacrifice they make for me, I love them with all my heart.

So, tomorrow is late start! I think I'm sleeping over at Snuffy's today. But she hasn't called me back yet, mm, idk yet, ohwell! This off the phone thing is pretty hard. I wanted to call hoobiepie today but I couldn't cause I can't use my phone:( But I talked to my brother today on the phone, I'm not sure if it was an emergency or not. But I guess, I won't answer anymore calls for the rest of the week. Unless it's like about homework or somebody's about to die. I have to write a literary device today.. and it's due in two days:( It takes forever! Speaking of homework, I should start on my geometry homework.. but I won't, till later:) I really want Robeks right now! I'm parched:( OHH HOOBIEPIE, BWBW!:))) One point for me!