Brand New Start, With a Brand New Heart

FUSE (Philippians 2:1-2): It was amazing, it was inspiring, it was life-changing. I honestly think those three days were the best days of my life. God really had everybody, all 25 of us come together and have one thing in common: to change our ways and to glorify our God almighty. So on Friday, the Walnut people left at 2 since we didn't have school. Auntie Lily's car got there at like 5:30 cause we got lost, cause the roads were deceiving. So we got there and we settled in and ate McDonald's for dinner. Then we played BANG! & I have to admit, it's not that fun. Hehehe, I don't know why Sean&Bryant said it was really fun. It's kindof like mafia, except with cards.. and weird rules that I don't understand. So I didn't play that much, and I had Kevin on my side, and he was somewhat 'teaching' me how to play. Although, I wasn't listening:) So after at about 9, everybody else came. And boyyy, I suddenly miss them:( The pang of loudness surrounded the room, and then I felt that everything was complete. It's really weird not having them with me anymore, cause I was with them for so long. So, we all got settled in and nothing really happened. So Saturday morning, we had breakfast and all that and mentor/mentee devotions. Then we had Tony's first message, about love.

Looking in my notes, I wrote that Love is everything. It unites us with each other, and more importantly with God. Jesus was thinking about us before we were even born, He chose us to be his disciples before we could even think for ourselves. I mean, to me, that's just unfathomable. The God of the Universe, chose me. Chose you. To spread His name and to be His son/daughter. How amazing is that? His love for me, just inspires me to love others. Although I know it's not easy to love others, there are people in our lives that are just so hard to love and sometimes you just want to yell at them. But if Jesus can love them, why can't we? We see their flaws and we don't even bother to stick around, yet we don't stop to think for a moment about our own flaws. I think my biggest struggle in loving others, is that when people don't look or act like I do. I immediately just block them out and think that they're not good enough to get to know. I think that I'm the one that everybody has to be like, if you're not like me, then you're not good enough to be my friend. Wow, how shallow right? Yeah, I know, but don't think that it's just me. Dig deep into yourself, I'm sure sometimes you think that way too. & Don't say you don't, because I used to not think that I did, until I dug deep down into my heart and then realized that I don't accept everybody the way they are. For example, my dear Hoobiepie, I used to think that he had so many flaws. Don't get me wrong, he does, but I used to try to help him so much that I forgot that I had flaws too. I held myself superior to him, and I'm sorry. Hoobie, if you're reading this, I'm sorry.

After his first message, I just felt so guilty and like I was the worst Christian ever. Then we had some free time and lunch, then our second message:
"Our attitude should be the same as Jesus'" I don't know why but I didn't take as many notes in this one as I did in the others. Well, I'll go from memory then. Hmm, I remember that Tony asked us to think about one person to pray about, for the rest of the year. And as long as we remember to pray for them, we'll remember the retreat and remember everything we learned. I chose my dear Samantha Chan, I could have chose anybody else, but I felt like God was telling me to chose her. So I must remember to pray for her everyday. Tony asked us what fellowship meant to us. A lot of us said praising God, singing songs, being with one another, and so on. Tony said that fellowship is partnership. And it makes sense, doesn't it? I mean, fellowship is just being with either one or more, being together with that person and just talking or just spending time with them! Them we talked about humbleness and like I call it humbility:) Or humility, as everybody else calls it. K, anyways haha, uhm, we talked about being humble before God. & Kevin said something that was really true. That being humble is being nothing compared to God.

After the second message, we had snow olympics and dinner & fusion night. Fusion night was really fun I think. Our first task was to build a 15 human pyramid.. We didn't fully succeed, but it was so hard! I was on the second row, and I just felt like a million pounds were on my shoulder. My arms were trembling but I just heard Tony and Uncle Gilbert screaming at us to hold it in for a couple more seconds. We didn't complete it that night, but we did finish it before we left our cabin. Anyways, that was our first task. Our second task was to encourage each other. By that, we had a ball of string and we passed it around and made a web of encouragement. I thought that was like really cool! Even though it was a bit long, but it was just really nice. To hear everybody say thankful things to each other and lift each other up. It was a nice way to end the night:) After that, Nick had us hug everybody. Well, I hugged almost everybody, I missed just one person. Sunday morning came and we had breakfast and then message 3!:) To be honest, I didn't take that much notes. & I vaguely remember stuff:\ But I'll try my best to remember. All my notes just say is that we are a team-> church. The Holy Spirit is a guide and a companion. When we have the Holy Spirit within us, we can do things that seem impossible to us. I guess, all of that is self explanatory? The Holy Spirit enables us and gives us the courage to just reach out and do things we never imagined ourselves we could do.

After the third message we had lunch and mentor/mentee competition. We got third place!:) Well first was trivia, it was like weird trivia! Like the real names of celebrities and weird cereal brands.. But after the first two, we were smoking! We got like a lot of them right! Then after trivia was like this marshmellow tosss! It was actually really fun, Jasmine & I owned! Except Jasmine knocked all of Richard's marshmellow's out, so that's kindof the only reason why we got to advance, ohwell:)! After the marshmellow toss was a treasure hunt. It took forever! & Nobody got the clues or the treasure, until after Uncle Gilbert solved it for us. But OHMYGOODNESS! Kenny farted like x987654321 times!! It was sooo smelly and nasty GROSSSS!! The whole cabin smelled bad and ewww, yucky:( I don't even want to know why he has so much gastric acid in his body, YUCK! Anyways, after that was message four, our last message:(

Last message, I took a ton of notes! :) & I remember everything too, maybe because I really liked it. Well anyways, Romans 12:9-12 says that:
"9Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.14Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.Do not be conceited. 17Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"says the Lord. 20On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."
We should love each other and think of others before ourselves. I remember my Pastor had a way of remembering. 'Joy', Jesus first, then others, then yourself. But sometimes it's hard to think of others when you're so consumed about yourself and worrying about yourself. So when in doubt or loss of hope, we need others to encourage us and just be there for us. We are the face of Jesus Christ even when we're not at church, so we should act like it. When we're at school or at the mall, or anywhere but church, we are totally different, or at least I am. I live two seperate lives, and it's hard for me to admit it, cause I don't want to. But I do live two lives and it's very hard to keep up with, so what's the answer to that? Just live one life, live a life as Jesus would. That's kindof my goal, and so far, it's not working out that great. I mean already I'm feeling Satan pulling me back into his arms, but I'm not going to give up this easily. My heart is praying for God to give me the strength to hold onto Him still.

After the last message, we had dinner and free time, then we had fireside sharing. I think it was the biggest step of our youth group. A lot of us opened up and poured our hearts out. It was really beautiful to see that everybody trusted each other to share things with each other. I won't go deep into that, but it was very spiritually moving to me and I felt that the Holy Spirit was within all of us that night. Hopefully that night won't just be a one time thing, that we will remain trusting in each other all the time. "Much as some of us fight it, our parents have a mystical hold over us, the power to affect our thoughts and emotions the way only they can. It's a bond that changes over time, but doesn't diminish, even if they're half a world away, or in another world entirely. It's a power we never fully understand. We're left only to wonder that when our time comes, what kind of hold will we have on our children?" I thank my parents, they showed me everything not to become when I grow up.