Old News

I miss you daddy! It's barely been a week and I hate having to be around this PMS monster alone. I wish I could move out with you! It sucks to be here all alone all the time. She always yells at me for the littlest things and I'm getting really moody. Lately I've been PMSing and I've been a huge jerk to almost everybody. But I can't help it when I'm trapped in a house with somebody who just yells at me because she has nobody else to yell at because one of my brothers are never here and my other one is moving to San Francisco in less than two weeks. It's almost to the point where I wish I could run away or just scream at the top of my lungs. I was never really like this, actually I'm not like this. I'm happy, always. Smiling 24/7 and laughing, but this is driving me insane. I have to deal with this all alone and then I have to deal with other people. I can't really tell anybody because I feel awkward spilling my whole life story to strangers. I can't even tell my bestfriends, because one of them I hardly ever talk to anymore. The other runs away cause he thinks it's funny or he's just too busy from school or homework or tennis practice so I never talk to him anymore. I don't like telling Wynnie because she has her own problems and I spill everything else on her anyways. I can only take so much for so long, and it's getting really hard to cope now. I really miss the old me, when I wasn't so moody all the time, and to be honest a lot of it has to do with you. Yeah, you're only one person but you impact a lot of my life. I hate to admit it, but it's true. I failed my math test last week, and it dropped me 10%. I'm scared to death of failure or what if I grow up to be poor and jobless. The economy and the world is getting a lot tougher. It's getting a lot harder to get into a great college and to get a job. & I'm only 14, yet I'm thinking about my future at 28. That's double my life span, I'm just a baby.. Ughhhhhhh I hate thinking about this kindof stufffff. It scares me alot. Almost as much as death scares me, I don't even want to START to think about dying. I hate the thought of dying ;aksjf;ksbfksa. & I'm not saying my life sucks, bahaha, I'm not emotional enough to start to abuse myself, not even close! I just need to vent, it helps the soulll. I love my life, people in it, where I am, everything. Right now is just a roadblock, I'll get over it. With the help and inspiration of my bestfriends, my family and most importantly, my Saviour, Jesus Christ.