Love love love love

"Love is the answer, at least for most of the questions in my heart. Like why are we here? And where do we go? And how come it's so hard? It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving but I'll tell you one thing it's always better when we're together"

So I'm not even going to try to put together what happened this past weekend but what I will say is that it was crazy amazing. There was so much love this weekend that it's overwhelming. I used to have a small view of Christianity, and how a Christian's purpose was to convert others and to make disciples of all nations! And though it is.. kindof? I learned this past weekend something better. There's something more and that something is love. Jesus died on the cross because he loved us. God gave His one and only son because He loved us. So that's pretty much what I got out of this weekend with my church group. And a lil' something else :)

When I'm so flabbergasted by all the things I have to do. When I'm so busy with other things that I can't even hear God speak to me anymore, I know I have a problem. (hahaha:) Well, I was talking to my friend last night and what she said really stuck with me. I told her that I get so frustrated because there are these strong christians and their faiths are so solid and they're passion for Jesus burns so bright that I envy them. I want to have their passion and their love and their strength for Jesus but I don't know how. Like I've been a christian all my life. I've never had a tragic accident that led me to change. I've grown up in a christian family and a christian surrounding, so God was never a, in a way, mystery to me. Like on the surface level, I knew who He was so I never got the chance to fall in love with Him. I never got the chance to start from rock bottom and fall in love with His word and with His creation. I just kindof skipped the love part and went straight to the biblical stuff, spreading His word and making disciples of all nations. Well then she asked me, "why don't you just start over then?" When she said that I was so shocked. In my mind, I was like.. can you even do that? Can you just start over with God? And if so, how do you start over? And then I thought about all these years, these 15 years of my life that I thought I was doing okay with, was a total waste. Then she said it wasn't a waste because now I know what path not to do and after I fall in love with God then I can come back to where I am now and make disciples of all nations and hear Him in ways that I've never been able to before. I'm not really sure if I'm even making any sense to anybody but myself right now, or even if I'm making sense to ME. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know how I'm going to do whatever it is that God has planned for me to do. But what I do know is that I'm going to have Jesus by my side the whole time. Like a little kid, learning how to ride a bike. Making sure that their parents don't let go of them at any moment for they're afraid that they might fall. Well that's exactly how I feel. I need Jesus to hold onto my heart at all times, because I'm afraid if He lets go, I'll fall.