Words That Nobody Knows

So, I don't really know why I'm blogging. I guess I'm bored and I have nobody to talk to, so I'll talk to myselfffff.. Lately, I feel so.. out of place. I mean, I feel so not myself. Like if I didn't have anybody to talk to I would just text somebody up and talk with them but I don't even feel like texting. But I never used to be bored because I always had you to keep me company. It's weird not knowing where you are. I mean, for all I know you could be with them and I hate how I can't even ask anymore. I never meant for what I said to escalate into this. I've been thinking and I mean, I have all these guys (not to be like stuck up) but none of them are you! They're all these creepers that don't even care about me and just want to like hook up or something! Why is it that now that I want you.. I can't have you? I mean, I never realized how good you were to me. You took care of me and you watched out for me and you were more of my friend than anything else. These guys that I talk to, they don't even care. I mean they say they do and they say they're different but they're just sweet talkers. I don't even fall for their sweet talking anymore, but I wish I did because then I could say that I wasn't as stoopid to fall for it. But knowing they're sweet talking me, and not falling for it, it just so much worse in my eyes. I don't even know what to do anymore. I mean, it's because I never imagined it would be you. For any other case scenario I guess I'd be fine with it but you were never one to hurt me. I know you didn't mean to, I mean, who intentionally plans to hurt somebody? I'm just rambling because I can't even come to sense to find what I want to say. Ughhhhhhhh... Why is it so true that you don't realize what you've got until they're gone? What good does that even do?! Why can't people realize what they have WHILE they still have it?! To realize what you had when they're gone is just so cruel. I guess in life, the saddest words are what if.